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⏲ 4:49 👁 81M
Rest in peace Joe ‘Sdumo’ Mafela
⏲ 4 minutes 15 seconds 👁 61.3K
Veteran actor Joe Mafela Funeral Service, 29 March 2017
⏲ 3 hours 24 minutes 28 seconds 👁 101K
A look back at Kris Hallenga’s ‘living funeral’ as breast cancer activist dies aged 38
⏲ 0:35 👁 29.4M
Dingaan \"The Rose of Soweto\" Thobela special provincial official funeral service
⏲ 3 hours 48 minutes 46 seconds 👁 7.2K
ICYMI: Watch Thembi Mtshali's amazing tribute to Joe Mafela
⏲ 1 minute 17 seconds 👁 13.6K
Mourners at Molly Ticehurst's funeral
⏲ 1:20 👁 34.2M
Uzalo Laqhasha Speaks At Joe Mafela's Memorial Service
⏲ 2 minutes 36 seconds 👁 4.4K
joe mafela accident
⏲ 1 minute 1 second 👁 36.9K
Steve Armstrong's funeral procession
⏲ 2:32 👁 4.4M
Funeral service of Sfiso Ncwane, 10 December 2016
⏲ 4 hours 8 minutes 23 seconds 👁 632.4K
RIP joe mafela sdumo series 6
⏲ 45 minutes 15 seconds 👁 2K
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_92.webp "A married man says he became “obsessed” with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it “wasn’t his fault”.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as ‘limerence’ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say they’re happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couples’ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: “It wasn’t a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but we’ve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>“It was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>“I think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>“But it’s all about forgiveness, we’ve done the work and are happier than ever.”<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was “besotted” by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>“I’ve had crushes before,” he added. “We both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.”<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about “obsessive love” - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: “I thought, 'jeez, this is what I’ve got to a T.'<br/><br/>“Something’s not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>“I kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>“The moment I’d wake up, I’d rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>“I’d experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didn’t.<br/><br/>“It was like an intermittent reward.”<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couples’ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: “David told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dad’s funeral.<br/><br/>“I was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: ‘Oh, for god’s sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?’<br/><br/>“My dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>“We went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.”<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she “finally had the brain capacity” to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadn’t acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldn’t “consummate” the crush.<br/><br/>“David reached out to me,” Ruth said. “He asked me, ‘please help me understand what’s going on.’<br/><br/>“He was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, ‘I don’t want to throw away what we’ve got.’<br/><br/>“I told him to sit in the confusion, and I’d do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>“But I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.”<br/><br/>David said: “We started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isn’t an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>“I was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people don’t set out to have an affair.”<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to “heal” from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldn’t speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: “It was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>“They were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>“We thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you don’t throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>“Even when you’re talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.”")
_rest-in-peace-joe-sdumo-mafela.webp "Eyewitness News")
_veteran-actor-joe-mafela-funeral-service-29-march-2017.webp "SABC News")
_a-look-back-at-kris-hallengas-living-funeral-as-breast-cancer-activist-dies-aged-38.webp "A look back at Kris Hallenga's 'living funeral' as breast cancer activist diesSource: Kris Hallenga, Instagram")
_dingaan-9234the-rose-of-soweto9234-thobela-special-provincial-official-funeral-service.webp "SABC News")
_icymi-watch-thembi-mtshali39s-amazing-tribute-to-joe-mafela.webp "TimesLIVE Video")
_mourners-at-molly-ticehurst39s-funeral.webp "Her casket was escorted by a group of motorbike riders. Footage is by Carla Freedman")
_uzalo-laqhasha-speaks-at-joe-mafela39s-memorial-service.webp "Magdalini Papadopoulou")
_joe-mafela-accident.webp "TEECAST MEDIA")
_steve-armstrong39s-funeral-procession.webp "Piper, Andrew Fraser, leading Steve Armstrong's funeral procession from Sts Peter and Paul's Cathedral Goulburn on Tuesday, May 7.")
_funeral-service-of-sfiso-ncwane-10-december-2016.webp "SABC News")
_rip-joe-mafela-sdumo-series-6.webp "Nothando Khumalo")
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